It’s been one of those weird days….
We woke up earlier than usual and played in the bed a bit before breakfast. It was fun, full of giggles and silliness , and all seemed to be fine. Our boy has started crawling (YAY). Till now he has spent most of his time on the rug we have in our living room. Our kitchen and dining area is tiled and he is still adjusting to the feel of the tiles, so rarely ventures off the rug. This morning I plonked the little guy down on the rug amongst all his toys and set off to whip up his breakfast. (I should confess that it’s just dry cereal mixed with warm water – so I use the term ‘whip up breakfast’ rather loosely). I look over and see our boy bravely venturing off the rug and onto the tiles towards me. I am super excited and cheer him on. Next thing he starts coughing and splattering and I immediately notice that he was spat up something that looks like regurgitated milk and that it’s come out of his nose. He is not happy. I scoop him up. I can see that there is still some goop in his nose, so I grab the nasal aspirator and attempt to clear it out. He is crying – BIG Tears and fighting me off as best he can. I am feeling like a right old jerk mamma. That said though, I can only imagine how yuck it must feel for him to have this regurgitated milk in his nose. So I continue with the best intention. Tears, tears and more tears (his, not mine).
I manage to calm him and proceed to strap him into his feeding chair. As I offer him a spoonful of cereal he turns his head away in refusal and starts crying again. He doesn’t want it!!?? He NEVER turns away food so now I can only assume that his throat must be sore or at least agitated by the spit up episode that just occurred. He continues to cry, a heartsore wail. This concerns me greatly and my mamma heart starts to break for my little guy. I offer yoghurt and he is willing to eat that, but not without tears. Oh, my bleeding heart. At this stage, I actually am unsure if this is teething relate, the beginnings of some a cold, or a mere coincidence – but to be on the safe side I give him some Nurofen. This seems to help and he calms. We sit on the rug and play together because he won’t let me leave him. To be honest, I am rather hungry and wouldn’t mind having breakfast myself, but what do I do if my little guy needs me. Right moms? We go hungry so that they can feel happy and secure.
It’s still early, not quite nap time yet, but I hold him close to my chest and rock him in my arms I think to myself that he must be hearing my heartbeat and enjoying the feeling of the swaying motion in my arms. Just like it felt like in the womb – safe, secure and snug. His eyelids get heavy and he drifts off to sleep. I lay him down in his room and instead of grabbing breakfast and a shower, I stupidly start clearing up breakfast and dirty diapers and packing the dishwasher so that I can do last night’s dinner dishes. How can I keep making this mistake again?? A neighbour is doing some home renovations and I hear a delivery vehicle – BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! as the driver attempts to reverse and offload some or other supplies. URGH, the timing could not be worse!!!!! My husband offers to make me a cup of coffee and I grab a muffin that I baked yesterday. For now, this will have to do for breakfast because my son is awake again. He seems to be feeling a bit better, but I realise that I am starting to feel very emotional. I wonder if the grey skies along with my son’s cries and clinginess haven’t maybe affected me a little emotionally. Yes, I mentioned the weather because sometimes grey skies and rain clouds can leave one feeling a bit blah – right? My emotions are raw and feel super close to the surface and I cannot explain what is wrong – I just feel like I could cry.
I realise that taking care of one’s kid when they are upset, and having to figure out what is wrong and how to fix it can be very draining. I realise that I have this, I guess you can call it a deep concern, of my boy being really sick. I love him so much. He is this little piece of me. You know that saying “my heart outside my body”? It’s exactly that. I don’t like seeing him upset or sad, especially when it is due to something physical. During the next milk feed, I put on some of his favourite music and set my boy in his playpen while I jump into the shower. Fortunately, my husband is around because the little dude is just having a very sensitive day, like his mamma, and doesn’t want to be left alone. I aim to prepare a healthy lunch and I am glad to see that my guy eats it all and has a second helping. He is starting to feel better, and I realise that soon I am starting to feel a little better. Later on, I decide to put some gem squash on the boil so that he can have it for dinner. Before long I realise the gem squash is burning on the stove top!!! Are you kidding me? I wonder if it’s too early for a glass of wine?