You Matter Mama

When we have children, our lives quickly become all about them. Our days are prioritized around their schedules and their needs. Our social media newsfeeds are now full of cute baby pics, and our posts share all the silly things our little ones did or said. Our conversations often filled with boasts and concerns about our children. All of this is wonderful and beautiful and at times necessary. But let’s be honest, it can get out of balance quickly. Before we know it, attending to our own needs is no longer a priority. Without realising it, we have stopped taking as good a care of ourselves, as we do our children.  

When last when given the option to do something for your child or do something for yourself – did you choose you?  Gasp! Yes, I just put it out there – the unspeakable.

I read an article recently on whattoexpect.com, that refers to how Flight Attendants give wonderful parenting advice. It reads: 

“secure your oxygen mask first before assisting your kids with theirs. After all, if you can’t breathe, how can you possibly help anyone else? So give yourself a little air — get a pedicure, see a movie or go for a girls’ night out once a month. Keep in mind that loving yourself is one of the best ways to love your children.”

I just want to echo that last sentiment: Loving yourself, is one of the best ways to love your children.

So, guess what mama? It’s very important, to every now and then, choose yourself. 
You take that bubble bath
You curl up on the sofa and watch that chick flick
You read a few pages of that novel
You sit quietly sipping your favourite glass of red

Whatever you do, make sure you take time – even if it is just a few moments in a week. Focus on that which helps you catch your breath. For me, it’s writing this encouragement (and sipping my G&T) while my husband puts our son down to sleep.

Don’t feel guilty. Don’t defer to a task on your to-do list. Don’t worry about the chores – because you know they will still be there tomorrow. Sigh.

A New Day

As 2019 was drawing to a close, I found myself wrestling with doubts, insecurities and lots of anger. I was sad and frustrated. I felt misunderstood and overlooked.  

I decided to embark on a journey of assisted introspection. In a short space of time, I began to perceive some realities about my journey into mothering, and better understood the choices that I make as a mother. It has been an utterly significant time of grace and growth.  

As we head towards the middle of January, and the holiday season is firmly behind us, I feel rested (well kind of) and ready to start working on my dreams for this year. It has been a long while since I’ve been able to focus on myself – I am looking forward to it.  

Before I get started on me, I want to share something with you. Here are a few of the truths that I have recently discovered:

Saying hello to parenthood does often mean saying goodbye to many of the things you once enjoyed. Such as uninterrupted conversations, New Year’s Eve parties, dinner with friends at fancy restaurants, or the choice to sleep late – to mention a few. It is perfectly normal to feel sad at times and mourn the loss of the things you once loved doing. Doing so does not mean you love your children any less

Raising children is your most important job. Nothing else compares. Therefore, when it comes to decisions on how you choose to parent your children, do not be discouraged by the judgement of others. Do what you believe is best and trust your instincts. You do not have to be perfect.

May 2020 be a year of great things for us all. Growth. Courage. Adventure. Let’s be ready to embrace the new things, say farewell to the old, and always remember… every day is a brand new day.

To know Him, and be known by Him.

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored…….
In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
(lyrics: Hillsong)

It has been a long time since I had the opportunity to put my fingers to a keyboard and note some of my thoughts. I am sitting in my son’s playroom as I write this. The backdoor is open and a light breeze, accompanying this unusually warm autumn day, is allowing the scent of Jasmine from the neighbour’s garden and the rustling leaves of a nearby tree to tease my senses. 

I am feeling relaxed, probably as a result of the long hot bath, I got to enjoy this morning. During my soak, I had time to up on my devotional reading (I was a few days behind); listen to (part of) a podcast and I was able to just be still for a while and let my mind focus on God. 

In the busyness of family life, I often find that it can be difficult to find time to be still and connect with God. My first thought is, “I barely get time for myself!”. But the truth is that if time for me is more valuable than time with God, then I have my priorities all wrong.  The daily inconsistencies of parenting rattle me – it’s still something that I am still getting used to. At times I find myself acting in ways that aren’t Christ-like and ‘set apart’. As a result, I am made more aware of the need for Jesus’ forgiveness and grace in my life. I have been challenged regarding my intentionality in time spent with God. You see, I don’t need more of me – I need more of Jesus in me.

My goal: reading, listening to or hearing the spoken Word and being in a regular posture of prayer. It is easy? NO! Do I get it right all the time? NO! But I have had a revelation and it has propelled me to change. The hard truth is that we have not been called to a relationship of convenience with God. Think about it, God deserves nothing less than our utmost devotion – regardless of the cost.  The Bible says “we need to deny ourselves, pick up our cross and follow Jesus” (Luke 9:23).  Therefore our walk with Jesus requires effort, it requires action – it requires sacrifice because as Christ-followers our deepest desire must be to know Him and be known by Him.

So my aim is to say no to more me-time, and yes to more of Him.